How to Start a Conversation on a Dating App: 25 Openers That Beat “Hey”

By the Pookeez team · 21 October 2026 · 6 min read

You matched. Now what? “Hey” is the most common opener on dating apps, and the easiest to ignore. Here’s how to start a conversation on a dating app, with 25 first message ideas and tips to keep the chat going.

How to write a good first message

1. Use their profile

The best openers show you actually read their profile. Mention a photo, a prompt answer or something in their bio. It shows interest and gives them an easy reply.

2. Ask an open question

Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no” tend to end conversations. Ask something that invites a story or an opinion.

3. Keep it light

A first message isn’t the place for heavy topics or long paragraphs. A line or two is plenty.

4. Skip the pickup lines and comments on looks

Cheesy lines and comments about someone’s body come across as generic at best and creepy at worst. Compliment something they chose, like their style, their dog or their taste in music.

5. Don’t wait too long

Matches go cold fast. Send your message while the interest is fresh.

25 first message ideas

Openers based on their profile

Okay, I need the story behind that photo at the waterfall.
You said you’re a great cook. What’s your signature dish, and is it really that good?
Your dog looks like it has strong opinions. What’s its name?
I see you’ve been to Hampi. What should I not miss when I go?
You listed “finding new cafés” as a hobby. What’s the best one you’ve found so far?
Your prompt answer made me laugh. Was that a real story?
Fellow bookworm! What are you reading right now?
That trek photo looks amazing. Where was it?

Fun questions

Important question: filter coffee or chai?
What’s your go-to order at a dhaba?
If you could eat only one cuisine for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What’s a hill you’re willing to die on?
What’s the last show you binge-watched without regret?
Mountains or beaches for a long weekend?
What’s your karaoke song? This is a vibe check.
What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
Rate your cooking skills from Maggi to MasterChef.

Playful openers

Two truths and a lie, you go first.
Let’s skip the small talk. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?
I’ve been told I give great restaurant recommendations. Test me.
Quick: pick a song to soundtrack this conversation.
On a scale of one to Bengaluru traffic, how’s your week going?
Would you rather have a perfect weekend in Goa or a perfect weekend in the hills?
What’s your green flag that people don’t notice at first?
I’m planning my weekend. Convince me to try something new.

How to keep the conversation going

Ask follow-up questions. Build on what they said rather than jumping to a new topic.
Share as well as ask. A conversation shouldn’t feel like an interview.
Match their energy. If they send short replies, keep yours short too.
Suggest a video call or a date. After a few good days of chatting, suggest meeting. Need ideas? Try our first date ideas in Bangalore.
Know when to move on. If replies stop, don’t send message after message. It’s okay to let it go.

Better openers on Pookeez

On Pookeez, you can like someone with a comment on something specific in their profile, like their green flags, icks or icebreaker answers. That means every match starts with a real conversation, not a “hey”. Want profiles worth commenting on? Here are our dating app bio ideas.

First message FAQs

What is a good first message on a dating app?

A good first message mentions something specific from their profile and asks an open question, like “You’ve been to Hampi! What should I not miss there?”

Should I message first on a dating app?

Yes. Anyone can send the first message. Waiting for the other person often means neither of you does.

How long should I chat before meeting?

There’s no fixed rule, but a few days to a couple of weeks of chatting, plus a video call, helps you feel comfortable and check the person is who they say they are.

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Skip “hey”. Start with something real.