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Green Flags and Red Flags in Dating: 20 Signs to Look Out For

By the Pookeez team · · 6 min read

Early on in dating, it’s easy to get swept up in chemistry and miss what someone is really showing you. Here are 10 green flags that suggest you’ve found a good one, 10 red flags worth taking seriously, and the difference between a red flag and a harmless ick.

10 green flags in dating

  1. They’re consistent. Their words match their actions, and you don’t have to guess where you stand.
  2. They make plans. They suggest a time and place instead of endless “we should hang out sometime”.
  3. They respect your boundaries. A “no” or “not yet” is accepted without sulking or pushing.
  4. They ask about you. And they remember the answers, like your chai order or your sister’s name.
  5. They’re kind to everyone. How they treat waiters, auto drivers and delivery staff says a lot.
  6. They communicate clearly. If they’re busy, they say so. If they’re not interested, they tell you.
  7. They’re honest about what they want. Whether it’s something serious or casual, they’re upfront.
  8. They have their own life. Friends, hobbies and goals outside of dating.
  9. They can apologise. They own their mistakes instead of making excuses.
  10. You feel like yourself around them. Comfortable, relaxed and not on edge.

10 red flags in dating

  1. Love bombing. Intense affection, big declarations and talk of the future within days. It can feel flattering, but it’s often a way to rush trust.
  2. They don’t respect “no”. Pushing past your boundaries, even small ones, is a serious warning sign.
  3. Hot and cold behaviour. Very attentive one day, gone the next, with no explanation.
  4. They avoid video calls or meeting. Endless excuses can mean they aren’t who they say they are.
  5. They ask for money. For any reason, at any stage. This is the biggest sign of a scam. Read our safe online dating tips.
  6. Jealousy and control. Checking your phone, wanting to know where you are all the time, or getting upset when you see friends.
  7. Every ex is “crazy”. If they take no responsibility for any past relationship, notice that.
  8. They’re rude to others. Being charming to you but rude to staff or strangers.
  9. Pressure to share intimate photos. Or to move off the app quickly to a private chat.
  10. Your gut says no. If something feels off and you can’t say why, that feeling still counts.

Red flag or just an ick?

Not everything that bothers you is a red flag. An ick is a small turn-off that’s about personal taste: the way someone chews, a cringey nickname, replies that take three to five business days. It might matter to you, but it doesn’t mean the person is bad.

A red flag is about how someone treats you and others: disrespect, dishonesty, control or pressure. Icks are fine to be picky about. Red flags are worth taking seriously, even when the chemistry is great.

What to do if you spot a red flag

  • Trust what you see. Don’t talk yourself out of it because the rest feels good.
  • Say something, if it feels safe. Some issues are misunderstandings. How they respond tells you a lot.
  • Walk away if you need to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for ending things early.
  • Report anything unsafe. Harassment, threats or requests for money should be reported in the app. In an emergency, call 112.

Green flags and icks on Pookeez

On Pookeez, profiles include your green flags and your icks, so you can see what matters to someone before you match. Everyone is ID-verified, and you can report or block anyone from their profile or your chat. Read our Community Guidelines to see what isn’t allowed.

Green and red flag FAQs

What are green flags in a relationship?

Green flags are signs of a healthy partner, like consistency, clear communication, respect for your boundaries, honesty about what they want and kindness to others.

What are the biggest red flags when dating?

Love bombing, ignoring your boundaries, controlling or jealous behaviour, avoiding video calls or meeting, and asking for money are some of the biggest red flags.

What is the difference between an ick and a red flag?

An ick is a small, personal turn-off that doesn’t say much about someone’s character. A red flag is behaviour that is disrespectful, dishonest, controlling or unsafe.

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